Soldier1: Did I ever tell you about my uncle, the farmer?
Soldier2: No, what about your uncle the farmer?
Soldier1: Well, my uncle's a farmer and has this bull named "Big". Everything about it is perfect. Except for one thing.
Soldier2: Ja, what's that?
Soldier1: Its eyes. They're crossed. My uncle knew he could win first prize at the local fair if he could only fix the Bull's eyes.
Soldier1: He tried everything to fix it; the vet, home remedies, you name it.
Soldier2: So what did he do?
Soldier1: One day a new farmhand, who wasn't too smart, saw Big and said to my uncle:
Soldier1: You want I should fix that there bull's eyes for you?
Soldier1: My uncle said, "you can fix it?" To which the farmhand said:
Soldier1: Sure. You got a lead pipe?
Soldier2: A lead pipe you said?
Soldier1: Yeah. Being as my uncle he tried everything, he said, "Yeah, I guess, there's one in the shed. I'll go get it."
Soldier1: He came back and handed the pipe to the farmhand. The farmhand took the pipe and shoved it right up Big's ass.
Soldier2: Up his ass?!
Soldier1: Yeah. But before my uncle could even say anything, the farmhand blew into the pipe as hard as he could. Unbelievably, the bull's eyes uncrossed!
Soldier2: Scheise!
Soldier1: Wait, wait, I'm not done. So the next day my uncle wants to take the bull to the fair since its eyes are now fixed.
Soldier1: But when he and the farmhand check the bull that morning, its eyes are crossed again.
Soldier1: My uncle says, "Let me try that trick." He takes the lead pipe, shoves it in poor Big's rump, and blows. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing.
Soldier1: He tries one more time. The veins in his forehead and neck bulge, his face turns red, he's blowing that hard.
Soldier2: Let me guess: nothing.
Soldier1: Yeah. So the farmhand says:
Soldier1: Here. Let me do it. You're doin' it wrong.
Soldier1: He then proceeds to pull the pipe out, turn it around and shove it back in. The farmhands just about to put his mouth on the filthy pipe end-
Soldier2: Ugh.
Soldier1: -when my uncle says, "What the hell are you doing, boy?" and the farmhand replies:
Soldier1: You don't think I want your germs do you?
Soldier2: Oh, Christ!
Soldier2: That didn't really happen did it?
Soldier1: It's a joke.
Soldier2: Oh ja, I heard that one before.
Soldier1: Wha-?